My Everything
by Aurorazilla
Summary: Just a LaFerry fic. Kinda sad. Sorry about that. Perry/LaFontaine


**Oops. I'm in love with another ship. Frick.**

**Well, this isn't my longest, nor is it my best. Oh well. I like it. So, hopefully some of you will like it, too. **

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><p>Watching the one you love slip away was... alarming to say the least.<p>

At first, the intervals between LaFontaine being normal and being _PodPeopled_ were longer by literal hours. Within those hours, the two would spend their time searching for something – _anything_ – that could either slow the process or stop it altogether.

Despite the large time gaps, it was still startling when those caring eyes would turn hazy and distant.

One moment, they could be talking about the currently known facts about the parasites, then, as if on a silent signal, LaFontaine's eyes would cloud over.

What had once been a fact about the creatures would turn into "I'm hungry. Let's go out." or "Let's pump up some tunes!". And, though she knew it was coming by a few seconds, Perry was always startled.

She was used to _control_. To everything being in its place and being easy and simple but _this_... it wasn't simple. It was not controlled. And it _scared_ her half to death.

If it were anyone else, she could deal with the pain, but not _LaFontaine_. Not her Susan.

Throughout all their years together, Perry had never – not _once_ – imagined a time where the redhead would have to leave her. They went to all their dances together – from those cheesy middle school ones to their senior prom – and she had planned on going to many more with them.

But... but now... now, the future was not certain.

Between all the shared kisses and... _exploration_ below the equator on both their ends (_it was a phase_, she'd told herself at first) Perry had never admitted her true feelings for the scientist. She always knew she was fond of them, but she never even considered, well, _love_. It was a foreign concept that was also uncontrolled and unbalanced – something she could not control, something she didn't like.

Honestly, the transition between 'friends' to 'everything' was a blur. One moment they were Susan – her best friend since forever. Suddenly they were the universe. Everything they did was perfect. They were a work of art, in a way. Beautiful. Perfect. Each breath they took painted a happy picture into the air – one of their future together, hand-in-hand. Each thump of their heart brought a lurch to Perry's own, one that assured her that her love was okay and would remain so as long as they were in her care. Their voice sang of promises and hope for a brighter future where they would fall even more hopelessly in love and possibly raise children together. Their warm embraces promised safety and happiness, so long as they held each other.

Regardless of the transition, as the years went by, she knew it to be true: she had fallen. Perhaps the first time they met in the sandbox (back when they were Lola and Susan) was when it happened, or maybe it was after the first shy, awkward kiss they shared, but it happened: she was in love.

She was so damned in love with that stupid scientist that it _hurt_.

Never before had she experienced this kind of pain and longing over her best friend. Not even when they came running to her, crying about their sexuality and how utterly lost and confused they were. Not when they were dating that pretty blonde girl from bio class in sophomore year in high school. Not _ever_.

But watching LaFontaine slip away... it was the worst pain she'd ever experienced.

She missed the sweet kisses they exchanged when one of them was too stressed. She missed the cold nights in winter when she'd slipped into the ginger's bed and huddle into them for warmth. She missed the comfort, the direction.

Now, whenever her beloved lost their minds, they were rough, not at all the gentle touches that Perry was used to.

"We have to... figure..." LaFontaine mumbled from the stool by Perry's bed, her nose burried in her notes and some old book.

Perry's stomach clenched unhappily. They were pale, a sweat beginning to form down their neck.

She stood up and tenderly placed a hand on her love's forehead.

"Sweetie, you're burning up," she murmured worriedly.

"I'm fine," LaFontaine lied.

Perry sighed and shook her head, grabbing an icepack from the mini-fridge in their room and pushing it against LaFontaine's forehead.

"Don't be ridiculous," she chuckled softly. "You're burning up."

After a moment of silence, Perry coaxed herself into mustering up her courage.

"S-LaFontaine," she began slowly, cautiously. "I..." She stopped when those familiar sweet eyes met her own. They had become foggy.

"S'up, Perr? Geez, it's hot in here. Let's go out and get some air." They shot up from their seat, dropping the books onto the floor.

Perry hurriedly picked up the mess, placing the books neatly on the desk behind the seat.

"Let's just, stay in here. We can have our own little, erm, party."

"In here?" The ginger looked around, confused. "But it's so... _not_ fun."

Perry bit her lip. It was almost quiet-time on the floor – the time when there was to be no loud noises.

"I'll turn on some music and, and, make some cupcakes. Does that sound okay?" She asked, reaching for the stereo.

"Can I make them with you?"

It was not an unusual request: in fact, normal LaFontaine loved baking with her. It was almost like they were a step away from being the LaFontaine she knew and loved.

However, the sneaky smile told her otherwise.

"Okay. Don't try anything. Baking can be dangerous when distracted." Perry led them to the kitchen and began taking out the ingredients.

She didn't expect lips to softly kiss along her neck. She didn't expect gentle hands to wrap around her waist.

"What are you doing?" She murmured, her voice trembling.

"I just like you a lot, that's all." The voice behind her whispered.

She allowed the kisses to continue as she mixed ingredients together. She felt a knot building in her throat.

The episodes were longer, now. Longer than before. They were more 'loopy' now than they were 'normal'. She longed for those moments of clarity more than anything.

"Are you crying?" A hesitant voice asked, as though they, too, were holding back tears.

"N-No, I'm alright," Perry twitched her lips into a small smile, stuffing the pan of batter into the oven.

She turned around and looked into those innocent eyes. They were no longer cloudy and glazed over.

"Did I do something?" LaFontaine asked worriedly, their eyes wide.

"No, no, darling, no," Perry assured, sniffling delicately.

A gentle hand wiped away a stray tear.

"Why are you crying?"

A million answers buzzed around Perry's head. _Because I don't want to lose you. Because you are everything to me. Because leaving you alone for a moment feels like an eternity. Because I love you._

However, she said nothing. She just pressed their lips together in a sweet kiss.

"What was that for?" LaFontaine asked with a smile.

"Just... just because."

LaFontaine quirked an eyebrow. "Perry, you can tell me. It's okay."

This was it: make it or break it. She hated fast decisions, but she had to tell them before it was too late._ No,_ she had to remind herself. _It will not be too late. Not ever. _

"I love you," it came out hushed like a soft breeze in the night air.

A moment of silence. _I shouldn't have said it, I shouldn't have said it,_ Perry told herself repeatedly.

"I love you, too, Perr." LaFontaine smiled, kissing the woman softly.

Of _course _they loved her. What had she been afraid of? This was _LaFontaine_. The person she'd grown up with. The person she'd shared her first kiss with. The person she devoted her life to protecting, to shielding from the cruel outside world because they were _pure_ and _perfect_ and everything to her. The person who held her at night after nightmares. The person who danced her through her first 'major' break-up with that boy from English in freshman year. The person she was so hopelessly in love with that there was no world without them. The person who loved her more than anything.

And, even as those eyes became dazed once more, Perry was still certain: she loved LaFontaine, and LaFontaine, for some crazy reason, loved her, too.

And no stupid parasite would take that away.

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><p><strong>This would probably have been longer if not for my constant involvement in an existential crisis.<br>**

**So yeah.**

**If you like carmilla, you should go follow this tumblr:**

**texting-creampuffs . tumblr . com**

**also tiny-gay-aurora . tumblr . com is my personal tumblr**

**um... yeah.  
><strong>


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